its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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