did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
