Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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