Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
