i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
