he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
