i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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