It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
another moral hangover. fuck.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
