Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
