I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
