I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
