Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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