Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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