In America we eat man semen.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize