I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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