My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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