How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
