i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
