I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
