There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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