Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize