Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
