; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize