so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
