He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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