At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
