How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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