I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
