Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
