So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
