When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
