Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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