Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
