There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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