Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
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Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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