The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
