i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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