hell yes lets make some ravioli
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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