Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
