You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
