if you like me you must not know who I am
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
