My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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