I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
