Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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