just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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