Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
