whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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