Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
