So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
