Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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