Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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