One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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