Girls should come with a carfax report
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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