just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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