Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We are two peas in an std pod
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
