Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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