You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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