OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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