do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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