I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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