I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
