God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this boner is exhausting
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
